Instead of doing the usual blaming the other parent for what is going wrong with your children, ask yourself what you are doing to contribute to the difficulties your child is experiencing.
Are you giving your child the message that you are all good and the other parent is bad? Are you giving your child the subtle message that if she doesn’t favour you over your ex, that she is in trouble with you? Do you understand that children naturally try to get what they want and if they can manipulate two warring parents into getting their wishes fulfilled, they will do so? This is not a character flaw on their part.
Stop fighting! Adults whose fight is more important than the best interests of their child cannot possibly co-parent. Trust is essential in successful co-parenting.
Stop fighting about when children can communicate with the other parent. Let this be as open as possible.
Does your child tell you that you don’t listen to him? His feelings about this will become buried deep inside only to eventually emerge in a tirade at you or herself. If you don’t heed his words, your relationship may be impaired for a long period of time.
Talk with him calmly, say that your relationship is important to you, you want to maintain and repair it. Ask her to describe her feelings for you and tell her that you will not be angry at her honesty.
If you can afford to do so, co-parenting counseling as well as individual therapy for your children may be helpful.